I long-wrestled with whether or not I would share the following bit of news in the blogosphere until I’d weathered and successfully forged through the first 12 weeks or so, but it has been so hard to think of anything else, as my mind is preoccupied every waking moment of every day with the fact that I am currently playing host to a little parasite of the most wondrous kind possible.
The reason I’ve been visiting the doctors for so many tests in the last several weeks is because Monkey and I are pregnant (we’d been trying for close to 2 years!). We were overjoyed and stunned and marveling at the wonders of nature when we learned we were, indeed, pregnant (the day after Monkey’s family went home). We only shared the news with family and a few close friends when we first learned. That’s the protocol, isn’t it? Wait until you hit the 2nd trimester to share with the world? It’s really difficult to keep it all contained. Every burble, every stir, every bout of heartburn and sensitive sniffer syndrome, every minute of my day, I am reminded of this transformation going on within my body. So hard to keep it secret. Especially now.
The reason I’ve been in for so many tests (ultrasounds every week, blood tests galore) is that this pregnancy doesn’t seem to be faring as well as my ob/gyn would like to see (I went to see my doc in Chicago while we were there and I found a great new doc down here in SC this week). It took several weeks of ultrasounds and blood hormone-level monitoring (I’m going in for another blood test tomorrow) to bring them to the conclusion that we most probably will have a miscarriage.
Monkey and I got the straight news from our new doc yesterday (he’s really great; I appreciate the no-hemming-and-hawing approach to what might happen). I think we handled this news well this week. The past 2.5 weeks in Chicago were nerve-wracking and tear-filled. I had been a real mess, crying about everything, worrying about what was going wrong, hating that the ultrasound technicians referred to things as “viability tests.” I understand on my brain’s level that this is their job; it’s all clinical and scientific and matter-of-fact. But while they were nonchalantly throwing phrases like “viability” around, Monkey and I were all the time thinking of this as our child, our big, wonderful, life-changing event. And it was too early for our Chicago ob/gyn to tell us under any certain terms whether we would or would not lose the baby. Yesterday gave our new doc enough biological info for him to surmise that the probability and likelihood of a miscarriage was high.
I’m still hoping against hope and looking at all glasses as half-full. If you wouldn’t mind just sending a few good vibes toward my belly today and hope that my tests tomorrow fare better, I would appreciate it so much.
I promise to bring less somber posts soon. I have a treasure trove of wonderful housewarming goodies that were awaiting Monkey and me on our return to SC that I’ll be posting soon (thank you all; you’re wonderful!!). And that great afternoon with RubberSol and family! I promise to do a writeup fitting for this fabulous family then.
Until then, my belly sends out hopeseeking vibes to you. Take good care!